I’m scared about this one.  Jason, for those of you who don’t know (likely everyone), is a musical maven.  We’ve listened to tracks from Rent and Avenue Q and quite a few others on road trips, as Broadway soundtracks make up a good chunk of his iPod.  So when JB told me to review the music from Cats, I figured he, as a musical aficionado, was a fan of it.  Then he said he had never seen the play and didn’t understand why it ran for as long as it did.  Oh.  Well, here goes nothing…

Cats is the second-longest running play in Broadway history.  It is also based off of a T.S. Eliot book, which makes sense in some other world.  I do not recall anyone ever telling me they have seen Cats, however, despite its longevity.  But my mom (it’s a good culture challenge when you defer to your mom for advice) told me the most famous song from the musical was titled Memory.  We’ll start there…

Fun fact: Barry Manilow covered this song!  Therefore, Jason would like it.  It’s easy to see why this is the big show-stopper of the play – it’s sung from the vantage point of a person, er, cat, who seems to be reminiscing about the good old times.  But that’s a universal theme of sorts, and this is a song that has no allusions to cats or feline life or nature.

Would Jason like this? Absolutely.

Next, there is a song on the right side of the page called “Rum Tug Tugger.”  Obviously, I have to choose this next, because when else do you get to listen to a song called “Rum Tug Tugger”?

So this starts with a cat that looks like Mick Jagger jumping out and growling.  He then dances like Mick Jagger.  Here is the first stanza of the song:

“If you offer me pheasant I’d rather have grouse
If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat
If you put me in a flat then I’d rather have a house
If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat
If you set me on a rat then I’d rather chase a mouse”

I am continually told that the Rum Tum Tugger is a “curious” cat.  Yep.  Curious works.  This is not particularly good-sounding, and it is hideous to look at.

Would Jason like this? About as much as eating a mouse.

Next, by randomly chosen on-the-side-of-YouTube selection: “Macavity: The Mystery Cat.”

This is a totally different sound from the Rum Tum Dum Dum Tugger Tailor Soldier Spy fellow…the previous one is an upbeat, electric guitar and horn-filled romp.  Not good, but a romp.  This is a slow-burning jazz-y spy-sounding theme.  It has a neat instrumental sound behind it, and the singer is competent and less David Bowie-esque here.  The song rhymes with “Macavity” with “gravity,” which surprisingly works.  I feel sufficiently intrigued about the whereabouts and doings of this Macavity follow after this.  Of course, none of makes sense outside of the musical, but it’s not that bad.

Would Jason like this? On a good day.

Next up, because I can’t believe this is a real title: “Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer.”

Really, do not adjust your computer screen.  Those are words.  (Or at least pretending to be.)

These two, I’m told in the lyrics, are notorious cats.  There’s also a ridiculous British accent that’s employed by one or both of the cats at times.  The tempo picks up after about sixty seconds – and so does the horrendous accent usage.  And then it slows down after 30 seconds.  What is happening here?

Would Jason like this? Oy, ah don’t ratfully thank so.  Et’s blimey bloodey rubbish, et is.

OK, one more…”The Old Gumbie Cat.”  Perhaps this is similar to “My Old Kentucky Home”, or “Old McDonald Had A Farm”, or the theme song from “Gumby.”  Let’s hope it’s the latter.

Well, any hope of this blog post ending in a strong fashion is completely shot after the following opening lyrics:

“I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots”

By the way, this is not sung in a wink-wink kind of tone…it is totally straight-faced and dramatic.  Also, this video has 101 likes and 3 dislikes on YouTube.  What are you doing, America?  Oh, another profound lyric…

“She sits, and sits, and sits and sits!
And that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat…and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat!”

Then a bunch of lady cats join in.  I should mention that first part was sung by a man, which is the first time that’s happened in any of these songs.  I really can’t listen to this one anymore.  It’s quite bad.

Would Jason like this? Did Mitt Romney want to release his tax returns?

——-

In summation, this was a better ratio than I expected: two songs that I enjoyed, three that I really did not.   Now I don’t want to entirely bash the musical because of it, because I’m sure it all makes sense in a connected-story type of fashion.  But let’s just say I won’t be clawing my way to the front of the line for Cats any time soon.

(Get it?  Clawing?  That was a joke.  This is a statement of that fact.)

——-

I’ve been a bit mean so far in the challenge, infiltrating Nic Cage and Rob Schneider on the world: so now I’ll play nice.  Jason, your next task is to listen to perhaps my favorite album of all-time, and one from my favorite band: Oasis’ (What’s The Story?) Morning Glory.  It’s part of Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums Of All-Time (#376) and probably a top three album for anyone who lives in Great Britain.  If you don’t like this one, I might work for free this year.  (I say might because you went to law school, and I’m not taking any chances with that one.)

As always, shoot your ideas over.  We want ‘em.  We need ‘em.  kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com or jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com will do the trick.

KB

Hey folks, Jason here.  You know, the good-looking one in the red.

Late last year, the Nationals added Ryan Tatusko to the Chiefs roster.  In gaining Tatusko, the Chiefs got a right-handed pitcher AND a social media maven.  He’s an absolute must-follow on Twitter.

And since he’s so darn good at it, we decided to take our Q&A to his home court Tuesday.

So, here it is, as seen on Twitter @RyanTatusko and @ChiefsRadio (Ryan’s responses begin with @ChiefsRadio and are in bold):

 

@RyanTatusko What have you done this offseason?

@ChiefsRadio I got to play winter ball in venezuela which was amazing, I took a little time off with family and friends but I’m training now

@ChiefsRadio in Indiana.

@ChiefsRadio I got to play winter ball in venezuela which was amazing, I took a little time off with family and friends but I’m training now

@RyanTatusko What’s your training routine?

@ChiefsRadio I have a facility here that drew and I used to go too, so I’ll go throw and work on mechanics for about an hr to 90min then

@ChiefsRadio I get my running in then it’s off to the gym!

@ChiefsRadio i get to the gym about 4 days a week, but I’ll throw and run 5

@RyanTatusko What’s the most memorable experience you had in Venezuela?

@ChiefsRadio umm we had a riot delay against Aragua because people wouldn’t stop throwing glass bottles on the field, that was interesting

@ChiefsRadio but playing wise I threw in front of about 20,000 people in caracas. The atmosphere was electrifying

@RyanTatusko You didn’t cause the riot delay, did you?

@ChiefsRadio hahah no, they werent happy that we scored 4 runs in the top of the inning so they got rowdy when the inning ended. I’ve had

@ChiefsRadio rain delays but that was my first riot delay

@RyanTatusko You wrote on your blog (ryantatusko.wordpress.com) that you felt you turned a corner at the end last year. Why’d you feel that?

@ChiefsRadio pitching coach Greg Booker pointed some things out to me that I had previously noticed, and we worked a lot and felt

@ChiefsRadio I was really turning a corner in feeling more comfortable with my lower body mechanics and I felt like the results were

@ChiefsRadio starting to show on the field, I feel I had my best outings in the last month of the yr, not only that but the good outings

@ChiefsRadio we’re more consistent, unfortunately I hit the end of the year, but I’m looking forward to picking up where I left off in 2012

@chiefsradio Make that 2011 lol

@RyanTatusko We didn’t know you could see into the future. What teammates have you talked to most this offseason?

@ChiefsRadio I saw a lot of Wilkie, Maldonado, and Flores in Venezuela so I talked to them a lot. I also said my goodbyes to peacock and

@ChiefsRadio Milone.

@RyanTatusko What was your favorite city to travel to in the International League last year?

@ChiefsRadio I enjoyed Scranton and the “haunted hotel” it was funny listening to everyone psych themselves out! But I enjoyed the city

@ChiefsRadio I also liked Leigh valley, and Gwinnett those were my top 3.

@ChiefsRadio I cannot wait to be in indianapolis since I grew up 20min from the stadium

@RyanTatusko So have you seen a bunch of @indyindians games?

@ChiefsRadio in the summers I would find any reason to go too @indyindians games. I would say I’ve been to 50+ games there.

@RyanTatusko Have you tinkered with any of your pitches this offseason? Added any pitches?

@ChiefsRadio tinkered…..yes. With changes in mechanics comes constant tinkering, I’m trying to throw more 2 seamers to compliment my

@ChiefsRadio cutter, I’ve thrown a 2 weaker before so I guess you can say I’m re-adding it and tinkering with it!

@RyanTatusko Are you a movie guy? Seen any good movies this offseason?

“@MegNgoz: I have a dedicated BF. He’s working out while doing a twitter interview #myHero” see in multi tasking @ChiefsRadio

@ChiefsRadio big movie guy! Saw many in Spanish! Umm money all was good I was behind that curve since I was in vz. I liked real steel

@ChiefsRadio reminded me of playing rock em sock em robots as a kid…..you got any suggestions?

@RyanTatusko Wait a sec, you’re working out AND answering questions?

@ChiefsRadio in between sets……see!!! pic.twitter.com/YeEvsfnc

@RyanTatusko You’re a magician. Few more before I let you go….what’s the one thing fans don’t but should know about a baseball clubhouse?

@ChiefsRadio oohhhhh good one! It’s like our zen room. We do whatever we can to be relaxed some people have their minds on the game and some

@ChiefsRadio don’t. There are a ton of things going on, but our life is in there. I spend 1/2 my day in there from eating, showering,

@ChiefsRadio surfing the net, or reading, it’s also where most of your friendships are made on the team. There and the bus rides!

@RyanTatusko Who’s going to win the Super Bowl? Careful, @MattAntonelli9 can read this….

@ChiefsRadio 31-20 pats…..they just look too good!!! I think @mattantonelli9 would agree

@RyanTatusko Playing to the crowd. Lastly, what are you most looking forward to about spring training?

@ChiefsRadio cleats on the dirt! There is only so much you can do indoors, I’m looking forward to getting back on the field and proving to

@ChiefsRadio myself that the true me is a better pitcher than what I showed in the first 3/4 of 2011….but most of all I’m looking forward

@ChiefsRadio to more twitterviews and conversations with you!

 

Great chatting with Ryan Tatusko.  It’s hard not to root for someone so open, honest and creative.  Get to know him on Twitter @RyanTatusko.  He’s a very welcoming guy.

 

Thursday on the blog, Kevin tells us exactly what he thinks about the music from Cats.  It’s the Chiefs Culture Challenge.   See you then for some mew-sings.

 

Jason

 

Thanks for stopping by our blog…..less than 80 days until the opener.  You’re just in time for another edition of the Chiefs Culture Challenge, where Kevin Brown and I select shows, flicks, food, books and music for the other to try and review.

This week, Kevin shipped me off to America’s Most Watched Network.  Or so CBS says.

This review may come off as patently offensive.  But, I can’t really help it if the show I’m reviewing—a show on network television in 2012—is patently offensive.  I really can’t believe this show exists.    On CBS, for the time being, is…..

¡Rob!

The truly outlandish thing is….the title itself is offensive.

Here’s the first line of the pilot:

“If getting married impulsively was a bad idea, Vegas wouldn’t have chapels open at 3 o’clock in the morning.”

Spoken by Rob Schneider to his impromptu Latina wife, this sets up a veritable piñata full of stereotype-driven  hijinks.

By the way, we should have known this was coming, what with Schneider’s turn on Saturday Night Live when NAFTA was first birthed?

Schneider does free trade
Here’s the premise:  Schneider marries Latina girl on a whim in Vegas.  A day after they get home, Latina wife wants to tell parents that she’s gotten married.  Schneider is afraid to meet Latino family because he’s as genuinely Mexican as a ballpark churro.

Here’s the list of the jokes that couldn’t exist without some good, ol’ fashioned south-of-the-border flavor:

1)    “These people, they’re all Mexican?”—Rob Schneider, to his wife, just shy of the door at her family’s place.  Evidently, this is a problem for Rob.  As he walks in to meet the family, he is awed by the size of the family.  This leads him to claim that he feels like he is at “a Julio Iglesias concert.”  Most importantly, Rob recognizes that the dip for the chips is called “guacamole.”  A proud moment for all of us American viewers.

2)    Cheech Marin is the father.  Need a Latino old man?  Cheech is available!  He’s become more generic than a daytime courtroom show.   His character claims to have 100 workers at his business, 3 of which “have social security numbers.”

3)    Uncle Hector.  He’s visiting for the weekend (“I’m not leaving.  Ever,” he whispers to Rob).  He also wants to borrow 7200 dollars.  And, late in the episode, he’s found in a room after a party ends nursing a goblet of sangria.  Oh, a freeloader.  I see.

4)    Before the beginning of a dinner party, Rob says “welcome to our casa which means house.”  Cheech notes that the family knows what casa means.

5)    The grandmother doesn’t speak English.  Senior citizen talks only in native tongue.  Low-hanging fruit.

6)    A Selena joke.  As lawyers say, res ipsa loquitor.

7)    Rob asks if the family would like to be called Latino or Hispanic.

8)   Rob drops his phone in the homemade sangria.  That ain’t happening on Family Ties.

Please.  This is utter crap.  Mexican-family-makes Mexican-jokes is more difficult to watch than a Cecil Fielder-John Kruk double steal.

Kevin, once again, you’ve chosen crap for me to consume.  Although, I believe this show would be significantly better with a Nicholas Cage barely-composed entrance (¡Donde esta la biblioteca !  Tell that to the DA!).

I’m going to take the high road and give you something cultured and brilliant to enjoy.  Because I know how much you like musicals, I am going to turn your attention to the longest-running extinct Broadway musical.  Cats.  I’ve never  seen it, but from what I hear it’s right up your alley.  Pets, makeup, dancing.  It has everything.

—————

If you have any suggestions for culture (music, books, food, TV shows or movies) we can forcibly consume, email us at jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com or kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com.

Michael Aubrey was one of Syracuse’s best offensive performers last season – with one legendary four-home run game standing above the rest.  But he won’t be doing it again this year.  After a Google search revealed nothing about Aubrey’s 2012 baseball plans, I decided to call him up yesterday and ask him myself – only to find out we’d seen the last of Aubrey on a professional baseball field.  Here’s why.

So, what’s on tap for next year?

Nothing right now – I’m starting school today.  I played nine great seasons, I’m at a point where the offers weren’t much because of the knee surgery I had last year and it’s been a little battle getting that (knee) where it needs to be.  With that and the stresses of not being with my family, I’m retiring.

Is this a 100% retirement?

Yeah, I’m pretty certain.  I’ve got one and a half years of school to finish my accounting degree at LSU-Shreveport, and that’s my main focus starting today.  That’s how much time I would have had left at Tulane.  I have to transfer now because of the convenience of living at home and I’m not going through the travel of going to New Orleans, but being a liberal arts school like Tulane, you lose some hours.

Did you decide back in Tulane that you would finish your degree some day?

Absolutely.  My intentions of going to school in the first place were to complete my degree.  Circumstances arose when I was picked in the first round and had an opportunity I couldn’t give up.

Was the knee surgery a large part of your decision to retire?

Absolutely.  Being an older veteran guy, you’ve been around for a little while, know what it’s like to play every day, what it takes…with the knee surgery, I don’t know how it’s going to respond when I start putting the stresses on it.  It’d be different if I was free and easy, but with the stresses of being successful as a baseball player – I was at point where I was going to be on the fence.

Do you think you’ll ever second-guess your decision?

I don’t think that I’ll ever regret anything I’ve done.  Baseball’s tough, man, not just physically but mentally.  I have two younger kids ages six and three that are so active, and I won’t miss anything.

Any chance you’ll be a coach some day?

You know what, I’ve had several coaching opportunities already.  But I’ve lived that lifestyle already.  I don’t think the reward is worth the risk of spending that much time away from my family.  I’m very family-oriented with my brothers and parents, and I’ve been away for the last nine years.  It’s easy to say that when I’m done playing I’m done for good.  Does that mean not helping out local guys?  Absolutely not, the love for game will always be there – but not as a lifestyle.  I’ll be always involved in it, though.

I know you’re a big reader.  Anything good you’ve caught up on since the end of the season?

Some intermediate accounting books and principles of management, that’s filling up the library right now.  It’s going to shift to the foundations of business soon.

What do you plan to do with the degree?

Nothing major, I’m just trying to be a family man.  Initially you hope to become a CPA and then work in some type of firm – something decent where you can enjoy yourself.

I was talking to Matt Antonelli and he told me you won the Chiefs’ fantasy football league this year.

Yes.  That was phenomenal.  I had a real streaky season.  I started out 2-0, lost five in a row, then won six in a row.  I had all the momentum going into the playoffs, I guess.  A lot of guys that I had still had something to play for at the end of year, like Tom Brady and Ray Rice for first round byes.  There wasn’t a lot of trash talking in the league though, that’s what was surprising – outside of (Collin) Balester and Book (Greg Booker).

——-

Let us know if there’s any former Syracuse player you want to hear from.  Shoot us an e-mail at kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com or jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com.

Stay tuned for Thursday’s Culture Challenge featuring Rob Schneider and…that’s all you need to know, isn’t it?

KB

Amazingly enough, this is the first time I’d seen Cars – one of just three Pixar movies I have yet to see. The other two – Cars 2 (duh) and somehow, Ratatouille.  Anyway, let’s shut up and drive…

Why does this movie start with a Sheryl Crow song? And why do I know this is Sheryl Crow?

We are introduced to Lightning McQueen, who appears to be our lead character, right at the beginning, when he says something that sounds like “Kuh-ti-chow.” Is that English?

I do love the detail at the racetrack here – Bob Cutlass and Darrell Cartrip as announcers, and the traffic jam at the girl’s bathroom. Plus, Pixar’s cinematography is spectacular, just unparalleled for animated films. The opening car chase scene is astonishingly filmed.

This looks like another Pixar film shot for adults just as much, if not more so, than for kids. The opening race has NASCAR down to a T, right down to the sounds and sights. And I like the heightened intensity and tension that begins this film with the very first scene. Impressive throughout the first ten or so minutes.

Oh, he’s saying “Ka-chow” – I understand now, after it’s been said 26 times in the first 15 minutes.

I’m happy to hear Rascal Flatts’ “Life is a Highway,” especially because the version I downloaded one day randomly skips after a second.

Jeremy Piven voices his agent? Wow, how difficult was this casting? Is there a poor-acting, randomly lucky, fluffy-haired movie star car voiced by Adrian Grenier?

25 minutes in, this may be the least sympathetic main character in a Pixar film yet – I don’t particularly like anything about Lightning. I know that’s kind of the point, but he just seems like a spoiled brat of a car, and the movie has essentially turned into a gag reel here. However – the Jay Limo/Schwarzenegger car-reporter montage immediately after makes it all worth it.

…and then Larry the Cable Guy shows up to ruin everything.

Great court scene, especially with the late, great Paul Newman presiding over it. And Larry the Cable Guy’s car is more amusing than annoying so far. However, why doesn’t Lightning just tell everyone that he’s in a tie for first and has to go to the race? Couldn’t they assign the community service at a later date? Am I overthinking this?

“I think we have too much surplus” is a strong line.

Halfway through, as Lightning continues to fix the town. Impressions so far – funny, beautifully designed, and well-cast. But I’m a bit disturbed by how much Lightning McQueen merchandise is out there – he is a totally unlikeable character so far.

Tractor tipping – what a brilliant concept. As is Mater driving backwards through the Cozy Cone. Can’t help but laugh at the stupidity of that.

Major bonus points here for the use of Jimi Hendrix’s version of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

Even if it’s just animation, there are some pretty breathtaking shots here, such as the waterfall on the drive between Lightning and Sally and the view from the Wheel Well. Pixar’s attention to detail in these worlds is second to none. I’m really starting to enjoy this movie – and question how I hadn’t seen it yet.

James Taylor has a song in this movie? Boy, no wonder Jason loves this. I’ll say this – the loss of the town’s viability due to the interstate combined with this song packs the emotional punch I’ve found in every Pixar movie.

How in the world did Lightning fix the neon? I’m going to ignore this plot hole and move right along enjoying the rest of the movie, I hope.
I just realized Michael Keaton voices Chick. Tremendous casting by Pixar – he’s also spectacular in Toy Story 3.

We’ve made it to the climactic race, after Doc *gasp!* tips off the media. I sincerely wonder if Doc’s lesson about turning right to turn left will lead Lightning to a climactic victory here, and I wonder if Doc and/or some of the other cars will show up at the race to help Lightning. I’m just making this prediction out loud right now.

…hey, Doc and the other cars showed up to be his pit crew! Shocking! And the scriptwriters just couldn’t resist a Larry the Cable Guy “Git R Done,” could they?

Well, I didn’t see that ending coming in its entirety, but you figured there would be something different than a mere win.  Which is exactly what the Dinoco guy says at the end.

Satisfying ending, funny characters, beautifully designed film.  Really dug this film, except I could do without the use of “Ka-Chow!” every twenty seconds.  The only thing that could ruin my experience would be an ending John Mayer song…

…NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

——–
Anyway, there’s a new CBS show debuting tonight with Rob Schneider and Cheech Marin in it. This sounds like the worst concept ever, so naturally it’s all yours to review, JB. Your assignment is ¡Rob! – and yes, there are two exclamation points in that.

Don’t forget to send us your ideas at kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com or jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com. I imagine we’ll move away from the TV and movies soon, so feel free to go for books, music or food soon among other things.

  It’s amazing that we’re less than three months away from baseball season.  What’s more amazing is that these caricatures are quickly becoming my self-image.  The more I look at them, the more I expect to see a 3’2″ individual with a headset on in the mirror.  Also, I think Kevin and I are each wearing Crocs in this Q & A thingy to the left.

 

Last season, we got to know a gentleman named Adam who hit a pinch-hit grand slam in August.  What was his last name again…?

 

 

Thanks, child not interested in deceiving Meg Ryan 33 seconds into the video.  That name was Fox.  Adam Fox.  I caught up with Adam by phone from his offseason residence in Pennsylvania recently.  I expected that he’d be reveling in a successful deer bagged….

 

Jason:  The number 1 important question is how was hunting season?

Adam Fox: Hunting season was good early on.  Then I started working this insurance job and I just didn’t get out in the woods as much as I’d like.  I had the opportunity to kill a few nice deer but I elected to pass.  All in all, I didn’t get out as much as I wanted to this season which is OK because I had other priorities.  Sometimes you have to go to the side to take care of business.

J: How much do you normally get out?

AF: In the offseason with baseball, I’d probably get out four or five times a week.  At least I’d get out at least in the evenings or the mornings just for a little bit.  I started a job down the road from where I’m from and it was difficult to get back and forth.  I was going Fridays and Saturdays as much as I could.  I just didn’t have time.  It’s crazy to say because you can always make time, but I actually really didn’t have time.

J: What did you bag?

AF: I didn’t kill anything, but like I said I passed on a couple nice ones early in the season because I was after two or three particular bucks that I’d been watching early season before the actual hunting season started.  I was scouting them and had some video footage of them early season.  Once you do it for so long you kinda get real picky and sometimes that’s your biggest enemy.  I should have killed a buck that was right underneath me the third day of the season.  I actually mistook it for a different buck.  I just filmed it and from that point on I had a curse.  Next year’s another year and I’ll probably have to redeeem myself one way or another.

J: How did Adam Fox get into insurance?

AF: Well, a good buddy of mine…his dad owns six agencies across western Pennsylvania and into central Pennsylvania and in 2009 he approached me and asked if I ever wanted to come in and study for a license, do some side stuff.  I said “Yeah, I definitely do because baseball’s not going to last forever.  I wouldn’t mind using my education towards something and I went in and studied for these tests and took these tests and passed.  I started trying to sell a little bit.  Last offseason, I didn’t work at all or do anything with it.  I just went hunting.  I took the time off because I knew I was going to be 30 this year and didn’t know what holds for baseball.  I was going to enjoy that offseason and do the things I like to do.  This year I went to him and said, “You know I’ve been thinking about it and I’d like to go to State College and start working on it to see if it’s something I like.”  I started in mid-October and it’s been going pretty good.  I stay really busy and it’s definitely a different challenge.

J: So where do we stand baseball-wise?

AF:  Well, it’s tough right now.  I’ve sat down and talked with my agent for hours on end about what options are out there and it doesn’t look too promising in terms of finding a job.  I’m sure I could get a job to go into spring training seeing if there’s an opportunity, nothing set in stone.  But, that’s not what I’m looking for.   I’ve started to get into a career a little bit in insurance, so I said “you know what, I’m gonna set my standards a little higher.  I want an opportunity kinda like what I had in 2010 with the Nationals.  If something happened in the upper levels or in the big leagues, I was gonna have that opportunity if I was doing well then last year I just signed.  If something happened I was gonna have a job.  It was kinda just hanging on and getting through it and taking advantage of any opportunity that came along.  Right now I’m not gonna do that.  I’m gonna stick to my guns.

J: Any thought of going into coaching?

AF:  Yeah, that’s been thrown at me since I started.  They said, “One day you’re gonna be a good coach.”  For me, I don’t know if I could do it right away.  I’d love to.  I know I’d do well at it.  I know it’s in my blood.  I know I have a lot to give back.  There’s a period of separation where I’ve been such a competitor playing for so long.  I don’t know if I’d enjoy it right away.  I might have some resentment towards baseball if I just went into coaching knowing that I should still be playing.  If I’m not gonna play this year, just stay away from it for a year and come July or August get my name out there.

J:  The most important question I’ve got is what did Brayden [your son] get for Christmas.

AF: Everything.  I asked him the other day.  We were in Kmart.  He was looking at toys.  I said to him “Brayden, let me ask you something.  If you had every single toy in the world which I think you pretty much already do, what would you do?”  He said, “Well dad, I think I’d get sick of ‘em.”  He got a scooter.  He got one of those leapfrogs.  Toys.  Baseball stuff.  Everything under the sun.

J:  So when’s the next Brayden/Adam YouTube video coming out?

AF: What was the last one?

J:  Vanilla Ice, I think. 

AF: That was a pretty good one.  He’s got a few new ones up recently.  He’s got a few new dance moves.

J: He’s gonna be an actor, you know.

AF: I know, I feel like we’re wasting his talents by not getting him out there.

For cute.

——-

If you want us to get in contact with someone, tell us.  jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com or kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com.

 

Kevin reviews Pixar on Thursday in the Chiefs Ka-Chow….er….Culture Challenge.

Jason

 

 

Kevin has chosen the movie in the title of the post for me to watch.  I immediately am skeptical of a film with both a colon and a hyphen in its title.  Overuse of punctuation means someone in charge STILL doesn’t know what this movie is actually about, even AFTER taping all of the scenes.

Imagine:

Coca-Cola:  A refreshing–yet sugary–drink:  have a bottle today; gain happiness tomorrow.

That Coke slogan would have kept Crystal Pepsi from flatlining.

 

As a backdrop, here is IMDB’s blurb on this ditty starring Nick Cage and Eva Mendes:

“Terence McDonagh is a drug- and gambling-addled detective in post-Katrina New Orleans investigating the killing of five Senegalese immigrants.”

Gee, sounds like Nick Cage.  Off we go.

The words “feature presentation” just came up.  That’s a stretch.

The opening credits feature a snake slinking through some dark, murky water.  This will, I am certain, become a terrible metaphor or simile.  The snake has now just slipped by a yellow mop bucket.  This leads to the first line of the movie:  “Duffy split.”  Nick Cage sounds positively despondent.

As two men search a locker, the first set of dialogue goes like this:

Cage:  He probably has dirty pictures of his wife.

Other man (searching): He does have dirty pictures of his wife.

Cage:  Yes he does.

Find me a weapon.

In the next scene, Nicholas Cage tells a drowning prisoner that he’s wearing 55-dollar underwear.  Evidently, this movie’s sole purpose is as a referendum on Nicholas Cage’s career.

It’s becoming painfully clear that Andy Samberg’s Nick Cage impersonation is fantastic.

Samberg as Cage

After a while–mostly featuring signs that Cage has the drug problem IMDB alluded to–Cage finds the Senegalese immigrants who have been offed.  He also finds a poem:

My friend is a fish

He live in my room

His fin is a cloud

He see me when I sleep

Read in typical Cagey hushed intensity, this is now my favorite poem, surpassing Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken.

Next, Cage is at the pharmacy–we can tell because large block lettering above the counter says “prescriptions”–when he gets a call that a drug dealer has been collared.  Cage then goes ballistic on the woman behind the counter, accusing her of making a personal call in some language that the FCC doesn’t appreciate.  After this verbal tirade, he goes on a rather irritated jaunt behind the counter to fill his own pill bottle.  Security is called.  Cage flashes a gun.  Security asks, “If you a cop, then why you actin’ so crazy?”  TNT deems this to not be drama.  They know drama.

“That’s for the DA to decide” is going to be the title of Nick Cage’s biography.   He just said the phrase with such vigor, it’s easy to tell he loves it.  He’s now showing that same energy while being bribed by a street dealer.  Impressive versatility.  Nick Cage is the Rex Hudler of superficial action movies.

 

You know, IMDB mentioned something about a gambling…..yeah, there it is.  Cage strolls into a sports bar and sits at a table occupied by a gray-haired man and his newspapers.  Thank you for all of the hints.  Yes, this is a bookie.

Cage decides on Louisiana -4 against Arkansas.  Seems like an odd bet.  The bookie then says “I got a favor to ask you, my kid got a speeding ticket….”  Cage interrupts and says “I’ll take care of it if you give me half a point.”

This film is filled with “OK, we get it” moments.  It’s got all the subtlety of a Bobcat Goldthwait stand-up show.

Later, Cage enters a room where some other officers are doing surveillance.  Cage sees two iguanas on the coffee table.  He asks why there are iguanas on his coffee table.  He gets this response:  “Ain’t no iguanas.”  This will be the title of my biography.

Please don’t watch this movie.

Now Nick is shaving with an electric razor while interviewing someone.  And now he has taken an old woman’s oxygen away from her in order to interrogate someone else.

When Meatloaf said he’d do anything for love, but he won’t do that….”that” meant watch this movie.

Off to the property room with Nick, now.  He’s been doing too much “cowboy [stuff]“.  Putting drug-stupored Nick Cage in the property room is to a plot what putting Mentos into a soda bottle is to a clean floor.

OK, now Nick has pulled a kid over, taken his marijuana, and bargained with him.  This is the bargain:  The kid’s a college football player for Louisiana.  If the team wins by less than five or loses, the stop never happened.  Wow.

Blah blah blah, shooting, blah blah blah more iguanas, blah blah blah everything works out in the end.  Wait, everything works out in the end?  In this movie?  With the galaxy’s biggest degenerate?  You’ve gotta be kidding me.  He gets a promotion?  Oh my gosh.  That’s like Ryan Leaf being sainted.

This movie gets 0 out of a possible anything.  Kevin says he “loves” this movie.  Kevin will be on culture trial soon.

 

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Kevin also claims to really enjoy Pixar movies.  Yet, he hasn’t seen Cars.  This, in my opinion, is a travesty.  Next week on The Challenge, Lightning McQueen, Tow Mater and James Taylor.

 

Send ideas in to us at jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com or kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com.  Tell us what stuff you want us to do….so you don’t have to do it yourself.  Books, TV, movies, food, music…whatever.

 

Jason

Hi, everyone, and Happy Holidays to all.  Hope everyone’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, and/or whatever else were filled with joy, glee, and TV shows other than Baseball Wives.  The second edition of our Offseason Q&A has us catching up with one of Syracuse’s two All-Stars from last year, infielder Matt Antonelli.  Matt enjoyed an excellent 2011, and his offseason’s been a memorable one for a number of reasons.  He’s a new member of the Baltimore Orioles on the field, and off of it…well, read ahead and find out for yourself.

I chatted with Matt via phone from his new Massachusetts home on Monday.  Here’s what he had to say.

Kevin: Congratulations on your signing with the Orioles.  What went into that decision?

Matt: I spoke with a decent amount of teams but probably four were really interested in signing me and were the best fit.  I started talking with Baltimore and narrowed it down to two between the Orioles and Indians.  I thought they’d both give me a good chance to go to spring training and make the big-league team.  The situation was the same, but what swayed me was that Cleveland wanted me to be more of a utility guy, and Baltimore’s giving me more of a chance to play either second or third base.  They seemed to really want me and need a guy that can do what I’m able to do.

K: You’re on the 40-man roster, as well – I imagine that helped the decision.

M: Yeah, that helped, too.  Cleveland was probably gonna do the same thing.  But just from being with the Nationals last year, I know it’s tough to get called up if you’re not on the 40-man.

K: You say you’re going to play mainly second and third with Baltimore, but you played all over the field with the Chiefs.  Do you wish you had focused more on those two positions?

M: No, I enjoyed playing all over the place.  Basically, I just thought that with Baltimore, they’re moving Mark Reynolds over to first, and Chris Davis to third – I think I fit in a little better at Baltimore with my main two positions.  Cleveland was looking for me to play everywhere.  But my two main positions are taken by young guys – Jason Kipnis at second and Lonnie Chisenhall at third.  My chances of getting to play there were pretty difficult at Cleveland.  I probably would have ended up playing more left field and shortstop.

K: What have you learned about the Orioles?

M: I didn’t know a ton.  I flew up to Baltimore and got to speak with Dan Duquette and Buck Showalter.  They’re a good organization.  They’re not happy with the way things have gone down there recently, but after talking to those guys they’re going to start making good moves and rebuilding the farm system.  The next few years are going to be a lot better than the last few years.  I’ve jumped around now from Washington to Baltimore and I’m hoping I can stay here for a few years.  I’m looking forward to being a part of it as they rebuild this thing and start contending.

K: How do you feel about last year now that you have a chance to reflect on it?

M:  Going into last year, my main goal was to go some place that was going to let me play and get a lot of at-bats.  I knew it was going to be in the minor leagues since I missed the entire season prior to that.  There weren’t a lot of teams that were going to give me a chance to play.  Teams hadn’t seen me play, they kinda forgot about me.  The Nationals gave me a chance to play.  Also, I played a bunch of positions, and coming up with the Padres I only played second base.  Most teams this offseason were only interested in me as a utility player or third baseman – if I didn’t play for the Nationals, it would have been a limited number of teams that wanted me. I was pretty bad at shortstop, though.

K: Well, you had to follow one of the best defensive shortstops we’ve seen in Chris McConnell.

M: I know.  I hadn’t played shortstop since high school, then they sent McConnell to Double-A and I said “oh boy.”  I must have made six errors in the first few games, but the Nationals said “hey, keep going out there.”

K: Overall, it had to increase your attractiveness to Baltimore, though.

M: For sure. When Steve Lombardozzi came up I was basically a third baseman, and they liked me as a third baseman.  If I didn’t play third base, they might not have even been interested.  And if I go to camp and somebody gets injured, now I can go to left field or second base.  It gives me more chances to bounce around.  If I hadn’t played all over, I’d automatically go to Triple-A if I couldn’t play second base.

K: What else have you done in the offseason?

M: Oh, I got engaged!  That happened about a month ago, so that’s good.  I’ve been busy helping out with camps and clinics around November.  We have a bunch of indoor baseball facilities, and I’m working give days a week doing all that stuff.  I also moved so I had to pack up all my stuff and move to a new house, so that was a pain.  All I do now is watch football every day and play fantasy football – I live a pretty boring life, as you can see.

K: We’ll get to the football in a second, but tell me about the engagement.

M: I took a little weekend vacation down to New York City, went to Central Park, and got this little boat you can go on and paddle yourself around the water.  I asked my girlfriend there and she seemed pretty happy.

K: You were in a Chiefs fantasy football league.  How’d that end up?

M: Well, listen to this – I came in first in the regular season, I basically beat up everybody.  But this is what happens to me every year, I’m like Peyton Manning before he won that big Super Bowl – every year he was the best quarterback but hadn’t won the big game.  I’m not there yet.  Every year I get to playoffs in first or second and get knocked out, and this year I lost in the semifinals.  Done, see ya.  Every year.  But you can put in there that Jason didn’t make the playoffs.  I told him at the draft he was going to have an ugly season, and he did.

K: Was his team really that bad?

M: Well, it wasn’t that bad.  I think he was in fifth or sixth.  But he still didn’t make the playoffs.  Michael Aubrey won the league – he finished the regular season in fourth, but he had a very good team.

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If you have any former Chiefs you’d like to see us chat with, let us know at jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com or kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com.

Kevin

Hey folks, Jason here.  I hope you’re having a lovely holiday.

I am something of a crossword aficionado.  I do the New York Times puzzle as much as I can and have been for the last six years or so.

My interest in the puzzle was ramped up after I saw Wordplay, the documentary about Times puzzle editor Will Shortz and the competitors in the crossword championship.  I am no trophy winner, but I do design puzzles.  So, I present to you, dear readers, the first of the Syracuse Chiefs crosswords:

Chiefs Dec 2011 puzzle final

Let me know how it plays:  jasonbenetti@ysracusechiefs.com.

For more information on our Chiefs Culture Challenge, go here.  First up: Kevin.

There’s just no way around it: Baseball Wives is bad TV.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Excruciating, painful, pull-your-hair-out, lose-faith-in-the-world, bad TV.  But for you, dear readers, I watched it, and here I am to tell the tale.

Sadly, this wasn’t my first exposure to crappy reality TV, as my girlfriend’s recently taken to becoming a connoisseur of the wide world of junk.  The only difference?  When Millionaire Matchmaker or Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on, I can easily choose to ignore it.  But now as a blogger in our Chiefs Culture Challenge, my hand’s been unfortunately forced.

Here’s a little background on this nonsensical phenomenon known as Baseball Wives.  The show is set in Scottsdale, Arizona, where it chronicles the fascinating lives of the wives, ex-wives, and girlfriends of current or former major league players.  Our participants in Season 1 include:

- Anna Benson, the wife of former Mets pitcher Kris Benson

- Erika Monroe-Williams, the wife of former Giants third baseman Matt Williams

- Chantel Kendall, the ex-wife of Royals catcher Jason Kendall

- Tanya Grace, the ex-wife of former Cubs first baseman Mark Grace

- Brooke Villone, the wife of former Chiefs pitcher Ron Villone

- Jordana Lenz, who dated former National and current Brewer Nyjer Morgan

My initial thoughts were these: Number One, being from New York, I know Anna Benson is crazy.  Number Two, how did Jason Kendall’s ex-wife make it on this show?  Number Three, Jordana Lenz is likely the craziest person on this show.  I mean, have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTXU5jiICtw

But anyway, I suppose you all want to know about how the show was.  (I don’t, but I have no choice.)  I don’t know what program was in before this show, but Questlove from The Roots was on it, which means it was at least 600 times better than this show will be.  I settled in for Episode 2 of the show, to hear this, literally right off the top of the program:

“Previously on Baseball Wives…”

Random woman: “What would you do if your husband cheated?”

Anna Benson: “He asked me, and I said I’ll just sleep with the whole team.”

Oh my.

There are also at least three words bleeped out in one exchange.

I really, really despise myself at this moment.

It seems to me that the whole point of “____ Wives” reality shows are to watch catty woman argue with each other over meaningless things, while hanging out in sunny places and flaunting expensive things.  To the surprise of absolutely no one with a minimum of one brain cell, this constitutes a major part of Baseball Wives.

Chantel gets into a shouting match with Erika after Erika calls Chantel “the bottom of the barrel.”  (Truthfully, I’m not sure anyone on this program has the right to argue that point, but I digress.)  Anna responds by saying “you know what you need?  You need a *bleep*”.  This was actually quite a strong bleep, because I have legitimately no idea what was said here.  Anyway, this discussion over the “bottom of the barrel” comment constitutes the first seven or so minutes of the show.

In the second portion of the show, Chantel and Tanya get ready to go on a double date!  This is supposed to be exciting, I think.  They go with two guys named Remus (Tanya: “How do you spell that?”) and Kris.  Before the date, Chantel asks what they do for a living – which she follows up with “not that it matters.”  Are you kidding me?  Of COURSE it matters!  What if the guy is a drug dealer?  What if he’s worked as a fry cook for 26 years?  How does that not matter?  My head is spinning.  (For what it’s worth, one guy is a plastic surgeon, and the other is in manufacturing.)  Since the show has the word “Baseball” in the title, the four lucky singles go to the batting cages, where Remus puts on a woeful performance that would make Mario Mendoza proud.

The rest of the wives decide to go to the gun range, to give the show something different to shoot other than arguing.  (Wait, just kidding, this was definitely not scripted!)  The girls are overly excited by the large muscles (and by muscles, I mean IQ!) of the gun instructors.  They also head to the gun range in a limo, making them the first people in the history of Earth to go to a gun range in a limousine.

Chantel then brings in her friend Cheri – the wife of Chuck Knoblauch!  (Side note: Chuck Knoblauch is following me on Twitter.  Chances are, he is also following you, so long as you have a Twitter.)  Cheri and Anna argue with each other, which is likely going to happen for the rest of the series.  Too bad I won’t be watching.

After a commercial break, we return to Chantel heading to Dr. Remus’ office, with the following quote from the former Mrs. Kendall – “I didn’t have a love connection with Dr. Remus, but he said he’s going to look at my breast implants.  I also want to set up a Botox party for all the girls.”

Read that again.

A Botox party.

And that’s where Baseball Wives officially lost me.  I could go into the requisite details about the downfall of Western civilization, the general production of this show with the status of this country’s economy, or the fact that this show is watched by millions of people.  But I’ll let you figure that all out for yourself.  These people actually want to have a “Botox party.”  And I’ll never forget the moment I lost all remaining faith in humanity.

Jason – consider yourself the lucky one.  You never have to watch this show – and for your challenge, you get one of 2009’s most critically acclaimed movies.  87% of its 135 reviewers liked the film.  But here’s the catch:

- It’s directed by zany German filmmaker Werner Herzog.

- It features a supporting cast of Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer, and Xzibit.  (Yep, that Xzibit.)

- And its lead actor, in a performance of complete and total unhinged brilliance: say hello to Nicolas Cage!

That’s right, folks, I’m talking about Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans!  The same movie that features Nic Cage hallucinating about iguanas, and…well, I won’t spoil the rest of the fun.  Suffice it to say, you’ll either love this movie or shudder at its very mention from now on.  I happen to be in the former camp – but I wouldn’t be surprised to find you in the latter.

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Last order of business here – we want your suggestions for the best or worst of pop culture for this weekly running section.  Whether it be TV, movies, books, restaurants, music, or whatever you’re thinking, e-mail them to us at kevinbrown@syracusechiefs.com or jasonbenetti@syracusechiefs.com.  And Happy Holidays, everyone.