Good morning from the Buckeye State….
Shortly, we’ll play America’s fastest growing sensation, Rate the IL Hotel!
First, a few notes:
*Drew Storen is officially on the roster today. He may make his Triple-A debut tonight. The Chiefs used four relievers in yesterday’s game, so my Spider Sense leads me to believe he’ll throw.
*Storen was replaced on the Harrisburg roster by Jack Spradlin….sorry to see Jack go. His last outing showed that he seemed to be on the right track.
*The Chiefs have now played nine one-run games this season, good for 42.8% of their schedule so far. They’re 5-4 in those games.
*No word yet on what caused the scoreboard outage late in last night’s game, but it sure looked like somebody in the park popped in the VHS from The Ring.
Alright, that’s enough of that. Time now for the game of skill, chance and extra towels that’s sweeping the nation…..
Rate the IL Hotel!
And now, here’s your host of Rate the IL Hotel!…..Jason Benetti!
<sparse applause + three guys in pillbox hats and cufflinks booing>
Thanks Don Pardo…..I don’t know how we cobbled together the cash to pay that guy, but I’m glad we did. You know how the game works…..I’ll give you the pros and cons of the hotel the Chiefs are staying in. Then, I’ll arbitrarily assign a score to that hotel on a scale of 0 to 50. There is no appeals process. But, if you’ve stayed in the hotel and care to lodge (get it, lodge!) a complaint, email email@example.com and I’ll give it at least a quick glance.
Today’s contestant is:
The Park Inn, Toledo, Ohio!
1) Within walking distance of the ballpark. Allows for easy access to hotel room if, say, a radio announcer forgets his phone charger in the room. Also allows for easy access to dinner around the ballpark postgame.
2) Overlooks the water. A scenic view is a clear point-earner.
3) Housekeeping which, despite guest’s presence in the room until 11:30 AM, still cleans the room.
4) TruTV on the cable channel list. There’s always something trashy on that network, perfect for 15-second gawking intervals while flipping stations.
1) Terrible wireless internet. Really, truly terrible. First, the signal is weak on the 11th floor. So weak that I had to go to the ballpark to do most of my work during the series. The internet is ubiquitous, people. It cannot be limp in your hotel. Your rating will suffer tremendously. In addition, please don’t require me to sign in to your wireless package daily. It causes my productivity to decline for three minutes at the exact same time each morning. And no, I don’t want to try out the Google taskbar.
2) The pillows are very tiny. I don’t know how people with larger heads than me don’t wake up and feel like an automobile driving on the dashed lane line.
3) Housekeeping which, despite cleaning the room effectively, does not leave the guest another shampoo. Thank goodness I had that extra body lotion, though. Thanks for leaving that for me. ’Cause people meet me and say, “I bet that guy uses a lot of body lotion.” Happens all the time.
4) This one’s important. And I know some of our players and staff read this blog. I want to know if housekeeping left anyone else a creepy yellow rubber ducky on the side of the bathtub during this series. I went into the bathroom this morning and there’s possessed little Daffy staring at me with his sad, empty, blue eyes. I fully expected him to put a curse on me, ala this guy: http://www.hulu.com/watch/124875/saturday-night-live-digital-short-the-curse
Final score: 12.
Thanks for playing, Park Inn! For playing today, you’ll receive a copy of our home game. Retrieve it at http://www.ratetheilhotel.com
. Sadly, Park Inn, you’ll never collect your prize…..because the internet inside you is a travesty.
Airtime is 6:30 tonight. Mike will have an April highlight retrospective. I’ll have the call starting at 7.
P.S. I appreciate the emails yesterday…..keep ‘em coming and I’ll do a mailbag within the week. Email at firstname.lastname@example.org