Rate The IL Hotel!–Pawtucket Edition
It’s time again for the world’s fastest growing sensation…..now shown in 42 separate languages in 13 countries….
Rate the IL Hotel!
And here’s your host…..the man who is always not to be disturbed……Jason Benetti!
Well, thank you Johnny Gilbert. Glad to be along again for Rate the IL Hotel!–the game which should not be placed next to a cell phone because it may be demagnetized.
During game play, we will list the pros and cons of a Triple-A hotel. Ultimately, that hotel will be assigned a score of 0 to 50.
The Comfort Inn
and Suites on George Street in Pawtucket, Rhode Island!
They Said It:
“In the Words of Elaine Benes: I am speechless. I am without speech.”
–Unnamed International League traveler, when asked about the Comfort Inn in Pawtucket.
1) It’s close to the ballpark. It takes about five minutes to drive to McCoy.
2) I have never been mugged at this hotel.
1) The internet is brutal. Couzens realized as we entered the hotel that he had previously stayed here when moving his sister in to college about a decade ago. I believe the hotel still uses the same wireless provider now as then. The room I’m writing this from–112–is located across from the lobby. The wireless signal is as strong as Waterworld was at the box office. I have inquired at the front desk multiple times and received these responses:
“There is a major problem that is being fixed.”
“The signal is great sometimes and sucks other times.”
“Have you called Fusion (the service provider)?”
“The signal is just slow. Have you tried coming into the lobby?”
AKA: We still utilize Prodigy.
2) The business center. I went to the business center on day two here and found a black computer with a clean desktop attached to a LaserJet printer. Perfect to print a few pages of notes on. I clicked on Internet Explorer. This action opened a Microsoft Word Install Wizard. That’s like going to Burger King and leaving with a dining room set and a seesaw. Not exactly the proper result.
3) The attached restaurant. The Ground Round–with streetside entrance to both food and slumber–is an IL legend. Its free popcorn (which has as accurate of a birthdate as Rolando Arrojo) tantalizes guests with its salty, alluring nature. The Ground Round’s mind-enveloping game of skill–keno–befuddles locals and world travelers alike. And, its vast menu satiates those with cravings for Tex-Mex, chicken, clam chowder and chicken. Alright, let’s be honest. The Ground Round filed for bankruptcy six years ago, yet somehow there’s still a franchise in Pawtucket. It’s Cheers without Norm, Carla, Sam, Coach, a dartboard, a pool table, Frasier, Lilith, Cliff Clavin and the atmosphere.
4) The hallways. Evidently that there smoking ban doesn’t cover corridors, does it Massachusetts?
5) The shower. Good water pressure. No spatial concerns. The issue is the margin of error with the temperature. Move the dial a tick to the right…..scalded. Shift it slightly back to the left…..popsicle. What’s baffling is this: The full range of the unit is about three revolutions. So, why, dear shower doohickey-maker, does one amoeba-sized movement take me from 0 to 100?
It has beds and a bathroom. And pillows (shaped like cubes).
Game time is 12:05 tomorrow. Talk to you then.