Rate the IL Hotel!–Buffalo edition
It’s time now for the game show which replaces your shampoo every time you read:
Rate the IL Hotel!
Here’s your host….Jason Benetti!!!!
Thanks Alan Kalter….appreciate you all tuning in for the program. I have bad news…..we are not one of the top 30 most recognizable things with an exclamation mark according to this sporcle quiz:
Dear Mr. PumpkinBomb,
We are not less popular than “Anvil! The story of Anvil”. Any band named “Anvil” which has minted records called “Forged in Fire” and “Strength of Steel” does not deserve a documentary. We feel we should be included in your sporcle quiz. Please see the attached petition signatures (listed as “comments”).
We encourage our readers to comment on this post in order to force our inclusion in the succeeding punctuation-driven quiz.
Despite such discouraging exclusion, we press on with this week’s contestant:
The Adam’s Mark Buffalo!
Nestled on Church Street in resplendent waterfront Buffalo, the Adam’s Mark has been the home of the traveling Chiefs for years.
As a reminder, here’s how we play. I will list the pros and cons of the hotel, then arbitrarily assign a final total between 0 and 50 to the hotel.
Convention of the week:
Nothing gets you rousted out of bed and downstairs at eight like the thought of swapping binder stories. COLAD.
1) Breakfast bonanza. For $12.50, you get:
Fruit salad, bacon, sausage, eggs, cereal, an omelet, pancakes, french toast, waffles, coffee and juice.
It’s open until 11. Go. Enjoy. Tasty. See, it’s so good that it’s turned me into a blithering one-word-sentence imbecile.
2) Novelty. You ever read the Agatha Christie novel “And Then There Were None”? A group of people goes to an island and, chapter-by-chapter, they bite the dust–each in a novel way. The Adam’s Mark chain previously was comprised of 30 branches. Now, there is one. In Buffalo. Here’s an incomprehensive glance at the fates of the other Adam’s Marks:
Philadelphia: Torn down. Photos here
Kansas City: Became a Clarion, then a Sheraton, now a Holiday Inn. Pick one.
Charlotte: Now The Blake Hotel.
Indianapolis: The last one to go…..transformed into a Wyndham.
Adam’s Mark, sadly, seems to be rather similar to Rich Kotite’s mark on the NFL.
3) Proximity to park. The hotel is about a ten minute walk to the ballpark. Not bad at all–especially when it’s nice out.
1) Thin walls. We must have been in the section blocked off for the Julliard students. Across the hall and to the right was a person strumming Spanish guitar tunes for the balance of an evening. Then, on day three, a woman next to ol’ Andres Segovia warbled scales for at least 45 consecutive minutes. Don’t travel if you need to do things like that. Or, alternatively, stay with someone who can tolerate you.
2) Bath soap. The in-room bathroom’s amenities included “Green Tea-Willow Bath Soap.” Conveniently, those two items–when combined–must interact in a way that allow them to make us spotless. I don’t know about you, but I imagine dousing myself with green tea would make me sticky, not morning-fresh. In addition, covering my person in willow leaves would make me prickly and odd, not clean.
This got me thinking. What if other drink-tree combinations, unknowingly to us, could generate germ-killing properties. Like:
Yoohoo-Redwood (A powerful, chocolatey aroma fills the air….)
Five Alive-Spruce (Citrus and evergreen conspire to provide a rejuvenatingly wondrous sense of self….)
Capri Sun-Birch (With a tiny hole for a straw, just in case….)
The possibilities are endless.
3) Parking/elevators. Just off the main circle of the hotel sits a parking booth and a black-and-yellow arm. They each guard the indoor-outdoor parking lot at the Adam’s Mark Buffalo. This lot is both for hotel guests and regular citizens. The non-guests, though, must pay to park.
With the status of “guest” comes the ability to take one’s car in and out. I was ignorant to the fact, though, that this privilege must be granted. Through the first two nights of our stay, the gate was up and access was free to everyone. On day three, though, a man in a blue polo shirt inhabited the parking booth. He asked us if we had a “red card.” Because neither me nor Mike had recently executed an illegal slide tackle, we did not. We, evidently, were supposed to have received a parking pass from the front desk. Alternatively, we showed the man a room key which–barely–was enough to get us through. Unnecessarily, the man mimed the swipe of the card we’d act out later at a nearby machine. That machine already contained a drawing of the card going into the slot. I fully expect that this man will be waving at cars bypassing “no left turn” signs next time we’re in Buffalo.
In other Adam’s Mark transportation news, the four elevators at the hotel are creakier than the floorboards at the haunted mansion. In addition, they all seem to constantly be at the top floor. They are not as slow, though, as some people believe.
On our last day, we came upon a couple waiting for an eighth-floor elevator. As we approached, the woman said to the man, “These things take forever.” Wanting to help the damsel in distress, I pushed the down button. Elevators, contrary to popular belief, are not psychic. Psychic Elevators, however, is still up for grabs as a really rockin’ band name.
Final total: 38. Good rooms, great breakfast. Would have been a 40 had we not forgotten our room keys one night, asked for new ones at the front desk and been given the keys without an ID check. Nobody feels safe when dealing with a Dennis Green hotel clerk (They are who we thought they were).