(Second) Rate the IL Hotel: Indianapolis

It’s time once again for the game where the towels are always fluffy and the good book is always in the top drawer:

 

(Second) Rate the IL Hotel!

 

And now, your host:  Jason Benetti!!!

 

<lack of clapping because applause light is under repair>

 

Well, thanks for…..thanks for being here at least.  It’s America’s third-fastest growing sensation:  (Second) Rate the IL Hotel.  If you’ve just joined us on (Second) Rate the IL Hotel, we offer three positives and negatives of the Chiefs’ hotel in a given Triple-A city and then offer a score between 1 and 100.

 

This season, we are giving the International League’s overnight establishments another chance to be seen, heard and slept in.  On this episode, though, we are putting a new hotel under the microscope.  Last year, the Chiefs stayed in Indianapolis at the SpringHill Suites.  This season, the team moved to the adjoining….Courtyard by Marriott!

 

Positives:

1) The Bat Cave.   Though I know very little about developing photos, I am comfortable in how much I value a dark room.  The curtains at the Courtyard turn the room into a black hole.  With no lights on and the curtains drawn, every minute is midnight.  The cooling and sleep-facilitating dual purposes cannot be understated.

2) Hot shower time machine.  One of the first rooms I’ve ever been in which scrapped the typical bathtub concept in favor of a shower stall.  I like it.  You’re not taking a bath in a hotel unless you’re A) soaking a corn B) sick or C) completely ignorant of germs.   The Courtyard has eliminated the pretense that anyone really uses the bathtub in a hotel.  Plus, this shower had a nine million watt bulb in it.  Nothing gets a person ready for the day like than a cleansing interrogation.

3) Isn’t that conveeeeenient.  The hotel is two blocks from Victory Field, the home of the Indians.  It is four blocks from a huge mall.  It has a TGI Friday’s right next door.  The internet was steadily wonderful.  Shouldn’t be that this gets a place bonus points.  But it does.

Negatives:

 

1) Service with a frown.  The Courtyard by Marriott Indianapolis has a bank of three elevators.  When a patron hits one of two “up” buttons to go to his or her room, a blue circle illuminates around one of the “up” buttons.  The other “up” button gets a red circle around it.  This means that the service elevator is active.  You see, there are two passenger elevators and one service elevator.  But, the service elevator answers on the same track as the passenger elevators.  This leads to awkward situations where the service elevator opens, guests begin walking toward the elevator, they see the rear door and “service” markings and then decide not to get on.  This is a waste of everyone’s time.  While not riding is pointless, though, riding might be even sillier.

I took the service elevator Sunday from the 12th floor down.  Three times, the rear door opened and an employee got on with a cart full of toiletries.  Those carts are unwieldy.  They typically take some time to maneuver into the carriage.  Estimated time from floor 12 to lobby: four minutes.
2) If walls could cough.  The woman in the room next to mine wasn’t feeling great.  Truly, it sounded as though she had the USS Enterprise lodged in her esophagus.    There were more hacks coming from her room than your typical Manhattan cab company.  I felt like I should get some help for the poor lady.  But, as might be expected, I left Ms. Genovese to her own devices.  Hopefully one of those devices was a cough syrup IV.
3) Nouveau riche’s pieces.  There were three framed portraits and a bamboo plant in my room.  If I wanted that, I would have shacked up at Michael’s.  The Fairfield Inn must have recently accused the Courtyard of not being cultured enough.  The Courtyard will be closed next week as it reviews John Coltrane’s entire collection.

 

Final score:  81

 

Really nice hotel.  Almost too nice.  The elevator thing was too Larry David for the hotel’s own good.  Would have been a 90+ without it.

 

————-

 

Don’t forget, the Chiefs will be on MLB Network Thursday morning at 10:30 against the Louisville Bats.

 

Follow us on Twitter @ChiefsRadio.  Do it.

 

Jason

 

 

 

 

 

 

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