Chiefs Culture Challenge: ¡Rob!
Thanks for stopping by our blog…..less than 80 days until the opener. You’re just in time for another edition of the Chiefs Culture Challenge, where Kevin Brown and I select shows, flicks, food, books and music for the other to try and review.
This week, Kevin shipped me off to America’s Most Watched Network. Or so CBS says.
This review may come off as patently offensive. But, I can’t really help it if the show I’m reviewing—a show on network television in 2012—is patently offensive. I really can’t believe this show exists. On CBS, for the time being, is…..
The truly outlandish thing is….the title itself is offensive.
Here’s the first line of the pilot:
“If getting married impulsively was a bad idea, Vegas wouldn’t have chapels open at 3 o’clock in the morning.”
Spoken by Rob Schneider to his impromptu Latina wife, this sets up a veritable piñata full of stereotype-driven hijinks.
By the way, we should have known this was coming, what with Schneider’s turn on Saturday Night Live when NAFTA was first birthed?
Schneider does free trade
Here’s the premise: Schneider marries Latina girl on a whim in Vegas. A day after they get home, Latina wife wants to tell parents that she’s gotten married. Schneider is afraid to meet Latino family because he’s as genuinely Mexican as a ballpark churro.
1) “These people, they’re all Mexican?”—Rob Schneider, to his wife, just shy of the door at her family’s place. Evidently, this is a problem for Rob. As he walks in to meet the family, he is awed by the size of the family. This leads him to claim that he feels like he is at “a Julio Iglesias concert.” Most importantly, Rob recognizes that the dip for the chips is called “guacamole.” A proud moment for all of us American viewers.
2) Cheech Marin is the father. Need a Latino old man? Cheech is available! He’s become more generic than a daytime courtroom show. His character claims to have 100 workers at his business, 3 of which “have social security numbers.”
3) Uncle Hector. He’s visiting for the weekend (“I’m not leaving. Ever,” he whispers to Rob). He also wants to borrow 7200 dollars. And, late in the episode, he’s found in a room after a party ends nursing a goblet of sangria. Oh, a freeloader. I see.
4) Before the beginning of a dinner party, Rob says “welcome to our casa which means house.” Cheech notes that the family knows what casa means.
5) The grandmother doesn’t speak English. Senior citizen talks only in native tongue. Low-hanging fruit.
6) A Selena joke. As lawyers say, res ipsa loquitor.
7) Rob asks if the family would like to be called Latino or Hispanic.
8) Rob drops his phone in the homemade sangria. That ain’t happening on Family Ties.
Please. This is utter crap. Mexican-family-makes Mexican-jokes is more difficult to watch than a Cecil Fielder-John Kruk double steal.
Kevin, once again, you’ve chosen crap for me to consume. Although, I believe this show would be significantly better with a Nicholas Cage barely-composed entrance (¡Donde esta la biblioteca ! Tell that to the DA!).
I’m going to take the high road and give you something cultured and brilliant to enjoy. Because I know how much you like musicals, I am going to turn your attention to the longest-running extinct Broadway musical. Cats. I’ve never seen it, but from what I hear it’s right up your alley. Pets, makeup, dancing. It has everything.
If you have any suggestions for culture (music, books, food, TV shows or movies) we can forcibly consume, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com.