(Third) Rate the IL Hotel: Louisville
It’s time once again for the game which always leaves a mint on your pillow……
NO, NO! Guess we shouldn’t have blindfolded that studio audience from down the street and brought them here in an unmarked van. It’s (Third) Rate the IL Hotel! And here’s your host, the man whose thermostat is always on auto…..Jason Benetti!
Thank you, thank you. Time once again for (Third) Rate the IL Hotel. If you’ve just joined in on the jocularity, what have you been doing? In our game, we take the most recent hotel the Syracuse Chiefs have stayed in and (somewhat) arbitrarily assign a score from 0 to 100. This week, it’s the Galt House in Louisville, Kentucky.
1) Roomed as roomed can be. Open the door to a single room at the Galt House and it’s like entering a hotel pasture. The rooms are huge. I’m not expert at square footage (get me a trapezoid and I’ll give you the footage lickety split), but I think room 1934 was about 6200 square feet. The bed is in the middle of this expansive space, leaving yards upon yards of tan-carpeted emptiness. If you had a playground ball, you could set up a mean game of four square. Come to think of it, the hotel should really rent out ping pong and foosball tables. A quaint cottage industry. (Aside: Do people who sell quaint, country houses use the phrase “cottage industry” to describe their line of work? Bet it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.).
2) Three sheets on two. The second floor of the hotel contains a bourbon bar. Classy.
3) The Beautiful and the Galted. Walk through the corridors of the Galt House. Soak in the taupe-wallpapered walls. Feel the red-and-black hues of the casino-floor carpet. Sit in the green pleather armchair in the corner of your room. Tell me you don’t feel a little like Jay Gatsby. I’ve been calling people “old sport” all week. Even the insignia in the elevator looks roaring ’20s.
1) The Two Towers. Louisville’s Fourth Street ends at the Galt House. The road runs underneath a bridge which connects the pair of Galt House structures and cul-de-sacs at the terminus. As you drive up, the buildings grow and grow to obscure the rest of the skyline. The towers are not at all eyesores. The only issue is that they are towers. In a hotel typically full of convention-goers like the Galt House, it is an unpleasant undertaking to stay on, say, the 19th floor. Getting to the bottom or top can take five or ten minutes. Especially when someone wants to go–hypothetically–to floor three from floor four. Someone in an orchid dress on Wednesday, May 30th.
2) Concerted effort. The Galt House is situated on a river. So, it has a beautiful waterfront view, perfect for lovers. And outdoor concerts. There was one of these festivals after a long travel sequence on Memorial Day. I don’t know what the band was playing, but somehow the sound was quite loud on the 19th floor. Does sound rise like heat?
3) At your own risk. The last two seasons, I had a rental car for me and the coaches in Louisville. We parked the car in the garage attached to the hotel. This garage’s lights are as illuminating as your average Danielle Steele novel. It’s a little nitpicky, but I find the garage to creepier than Steve Buscemi on Halloween.
Rating: 81. A job well done.
Coming up next time, a look at the lodging in Indy. For comments about (Third) Rate the IL Hotel, email firstname.lastname@example.org.